so what my life has come to..

i am sitting here listening to the same song over and over..
wondering where my life is going..
i just needed someone to talk to..
and no one would listen.. not one fuckin person..
sometimes i feel like life was easier when i was doing the stupid shit i was doing.
it was easier to deal with when i just hurt myself..
but thats a stupid thing to do.. and i couldnt do that to myself again..
because im the one who gets the feelings and has to tell my..
"you know better"
because no one else will..

josh is gone. :( i knew it had to happen.. i just didnt want it to..
i wont see him till next year... which is so long away.. and i dont even know if it will happen..
karen pulled the made for TV moment and told me
i should just remember the time we spent..
how many other guys would drive down from PA while on PT just to see me..
the girl they met over 2 and a half years ago.. AT A BAR!! and hadnt seen since..

people say life comes in full circle..
what goes around comes around..
if it was meant to be it will happen..
"everything changes.. if i could turn back the years.. if you could learn to forgive me then i could learn to feel.."
it seems to me like life never gets easy.. people always say once you hit rock bottom theres no where else to go.. but up..
bullshit.. as you lay there the earth starts moving.. and opens up and swallows you whole..
why cant things work out how they are suppose to? its like i try .. and i work so hard.. just to get my face pushed into the mudd..
people say ive changed over the last couple of weeks.. alot quieter.. nothing really to say.. but i dunno if they are right.. because the people who actually know me.. are no where to be found..
damn..
"when i could of been learning something.. well you know what i mean.. ive done this before.. and i will do it again.. come on and kill me baby.. while you smile like a friend.. oh and ill come running.. just to do it again"