first a story then the reason..

two chinese monks were walkin through the woods one far older and wiser then the other.. each had taken a vows when they became monks and one was to never touch a woman.. they are walkin for days. and it had rained.. the younger of the two aproach a deep river that had rose with the amount of rainfall.. a woman is standing next to the river and asks the monk if he would carry her across because she couldnt do it on her own.. the monk quickly tells the woman that he could not do that.. he had vowed to never touch a female.. and makes his way across the river leaving the woman standing there.. the older wiser monk walks up to the river.. picks up the woman and carries her across the river and sits her down on the other side and continues on his way.. the younger monk could no believe his eyes.. he dared not to question this monk but the thought plagued his mind.. the man who was so much older.. so much wiser then he had just broke a sacred vow and carried this woman he touched this woman.. and after miles and miles of walking and much time had passed the younger monk could not take it anymore he stopped the older monk and asked "how could you do that. how could you break your vow and carry that woman across the river" he older monk said without hesitation "i carried her over the river and sat her down. you are still carrying her"

i heard this story sitting in a taco mac in alpheretta.. and my friend tells me this story with such feeling.. and so much enthusiam that to some people it would seem overbearing.. but to me its not.. and as we sat there.. i began to think about all the things i still carry with me.. and one just plagues me. my dad.. my dad has not spoke to me.. in months.. MONTHS.. he will even go as far as going to my mother ask her something and in turn she will turn around and ask me. this is somethign i carry with me.. and cannot sit down.. because this is my father.. the man who is somewhat responsible for my life. and i cannot get him to say two words to me..
i will end it here without exactly finishing it.. because i dont know how to end it. i dont know what could be so horrible about me that he would rather not speak to me. it worries me.. greatly that i might go through my whole life not knowing what to do about this situation till one day it is too late..
we never know what tomorrow brings.. or what the next 15 minutes brings.. what if its already too late..